Grey, grey day
It's pretty bleak outside. Grey, and they said it might snow but it didn't.
I was about to say that I had a nice, long weekend, but in reality it wasn't so nice. Actually, it kind of sucked.
I did a lot of laundry. I spun a little. I knit a lot. I started finishing my Everyday Cardi (which I'm not sure will fit right when I am done). I am almost done with Bejeweled. I finished Fetching (and I love them), and I started a pair of cably socks. I also taught myself to cable without a cable needle. I made a big pot of chili.
It would have been easy to gloss over this weekend, the way I did to people at work when they asked me how it was, but in reality I spent much of the time crying and alone.
C and I have had a really difficult relationship, and it was a really difficult decision for us to buy our house together, and now that we are looking towards our next move, it was difficult for us to decide to take this next step together. Things had been going really well over the past few weeks, and I felt closer to C then ever, but last week I started to second guess myself. I started to wonder when the other shoe would drop. In other words, I freaked out. And I wasn't very fun to be around.
I think, subconsciously, I just wanted C to comfort me and to tell me that everything was going to be ok, and we would live happily ever after, but that isn't really his style. He is honest to a fault and doesn't like to candy coat things, and is usally content to say that he hopes we work out but he can't say for sure that we will, or that anyone will. Instead, I transferred my doubts to C, and it was a pretty messy weekend, and is still pretty messy today.
I'm not quite sure what is going to happen . . . C isn't ready to talk about it (I realize this after a weekend of trying to force him to talk) and I'm feeling more down, and more insecure than if I hadn't completly freaked out and instead had been honest about my feelings.
So that is where I am right now, and that is why I forgot to take photos of my progress, and why I'm generally blah today. And I'm glad that it is grey today . . . it suits me.