Eat.Knit.Sleep

You guys are amazing! Your power is scary.

C got laid off this morning.

Gulp.

Posted by Jenny at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

tomorrow. I'm going to ask you to do something surprising. Send some vibes my way hoping that C gets laid off.

I'm ready to leave my job, I"m ready to leave PA and start the next chapter of my life, but we need some sort of kick in the ass to do it, so hope he gets laid off. Thanks!

Still no camera cable. It is in my fiber room somewhere under the pile of crap I would show you if I could find my damn cable.

Very tired today after a late-ish night yesterday. I'm knitting away on my Daisy sweater (did I tell you about that one?) and completely neglecting Ariann, Thermal, and my sock pal socks. Need to get to a good point before vacation knitting.

Off to bed and dreaming of new life.

Posted by Jenny at 10:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So, I've been thinking a lot lately.

In my experience, this is never a good thing.

I'm sure there has been some sense of my general frustration with life here, lately, but I have been having so much trouble describing it to anyone, Carlos, my parents, my friends, or even myself, without getting unreasonably angry or upset, that I didn't really know how to talk about it here.

However, it has been on the forefront of my mind, so I've had trouble NOT talking about it as well, thus this is partially one reason for my lack of posting.

(Of course, this either means that I've been frustrated for the entire time I've been writing this blog -- over 2 years now -- or I'm just really good at making excuses)

I'm at a sort of impasse right now. Without getting into specifics, I'm at a point in my job where my position is on the line. I work in a high-stress environment, where I'm paid on performance, and my "performance" is based somewhat on things outside of my control. At the very least, my pay (I'm paid on commission) is going to be reduced by at least 50% in the next few months, at worst, I will lose my job.

The idea of taking another sales job actually physically makes me sick, but it is all I have done since graduating with my uber-practical History major in 2001. I have a mortgage, and a house that will be difficult to sell for what we paid for it 2 years ago, and while I have no other debt, the mortgage is not small -- and C's job is very tentative right now, so I can't rely on him.

I'm at the point where I hope he gets let go in the rumored lay-offs this week to give us an excuse to sell the house at a loss, and start over somewhere. I just don't know how to start.

I was talking to my mother last week and I mentioned how I've always been working. In school I was a very hard worker, working harder than I needed to to get a decent grade, in college I chose my studies based on what I thought I was best at, not what challenged me, or what interested me, or what I could see myself doing for the rest of my life, because I was so afraid to fail. And now, I feel like a complete failure anyway.

I'm reading all the books you are supposed to read when you feel like this, but it is hard for me to sort out what I REALLY enjoy doing, because I never really had that in my life until I became involved in knitting, and spinning and the blogs I read much more often than I comment or post here.

I've often avoided posting when things in my life were "too hard" to talk about, but I want to share them here. I want to start pushing myself to do things that are challenging to me, and to get off safe ground, because safe does not equal happy for me right now.

This is not the post I intended to write after spending some time today photographing my stash for Ravelry, but as I can't find my camera cable in the mess in my fiber room, this is the post it will be.

Thanks for reading.

Posted by Jenny at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I actually finished these a while ago, but hadn't gotten around to posting them yet.

This is my first pair of solid socks, and I'm hoping the Knitpicks Essential softens with washing. Done with those, I've started my Sockapalooza socks:

It's made from Tofutsies, which is a little splitty but makes a nice fabric for warm weather socks, which was my intent.

I'm pulling myself back on the wagon with diet and exercise, as I realize I really have let myself go. Running, weights, cardio and yoga, and an eating plan designed to boost my metabolism. We'll see how this goes.

Had a nice weekend -- saw some friends from high school I hadn't seen in almost 10 years, which was interesting, and made me realize I really need to get out of my job. Anyone successfully make a career change in their mid-twenties?

Posted by Jenny at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

No time for a picture filled post at this minute, as I need to leave for work in about 10 minutes and I still need to make coffee, breakfast, and lunch, but I've missed posting. I try to avoid posting unless I have time for the "perfect" post, and I NEVER have time for that, so I need to move on from that.

It's been a rough week and a good weekend. Job stress is getting to me more than I would like for a job I don't particularly enjoy. Need to move on, or at least figure out what my next step would be, as sales is not the career for me (unless any knitting companies need a rep . . . I could sell yarn).

I did finish my cabled socks and will have a photo for you soon, and I did some surgery on Ariann who is on the back burner until I finish Thermal and my Sockapalooza socks.

I love you all. Don't give up on me yet!

Posted by Jenny at 07:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)