No excuses
EDIT: I wrote this post a week a go, but have not yet been able to locate my camera cable so I'm posting without pictures.
I don't really have any excuses. I have been absent. I bailed on some things. Life got rough for me for a while.
I hesitate with what I want this blog to be. What it's original intent was, to meet knitters, and to record projects when I was newly obsessed and felt isolated. Some of that has been co opted by ravelry, which to be honest, I haven't been using to the best advantage.
I needed a break. Not from blogging because I never did that regularly anyhow, but just a break from everything that caused pressure.
I've noted here about my stresses at my job, and while I still don't believe that it is the long run career for me, the leaving of my former boss released so much stress, that I'm much happier where I am. This happiness has caused me to second guess some of my choices regarding going back to school for teaching. Do I really want to teach? Will I be a good teacher? Do I really want to earn less to most likely work harder? I'm somewhat torn between my desire to have a career that is meaningful, and starting to wonder if my meaning should be outside my career.
I'm still in school and plan to continue pursuing teaching, but all of this thought has brought up some interesting ideas about my life, my relationship and where I think everything is going. I've been thinking about whether or not I want to have children, and what that means for me and C (he does not). I've been thinking about knitting and spinning and baking (but not really doing much of any of it). Same goes for yoga and running. At some point I realized that during this "break," I inadvertently gave up a lot of things that I loved, finding myself watching TV with my knitting in front of me and not picking it up.
C and I were/are going through a rough spot, brought on by both of us questioning our lives in a probably very healthy way, and then reacting to those questions in a unhealthy and destructive way. I guess I'm still trying to figure it out. It's a strange thing growing up with someone in your life.
Any how, I don't think I've shown you what I have been knitting, if very intermittently and I have been enjoying it. It's Gale (Ravelry link), by Anne Hanson, in a beautiful kit from Wooly Wonka fibers.
Comments
I've been in a similar spot with my career lately. Sometimes I think I want a job that pays well so I can have stuff. Other times I think I want a job that is meaningful because I spend too much time working to have it be a soulless endeavor. And other other times I just want to hang out with my puppers and play all day long.
Sigh...
But - going to school is never a bad thing, and if you try out teaching and decide it isn't for you, you'll still have the degree and the experience, which will only make you even more valuable of an asset no matter WHAT you end up doing for work.
And yeah - it's really hard to grow up with someone in your life. But you both need to be allowed to change your minds about what you wanted when you first got together. You'll continue to grow and change your minds FOREVER, and to stay together you'll need to work out an effective strategy for staying connected, even when you do change your minds about the fundamentals.
xoxo.
Posted by: elisa | June 9, 2008 02:42 PM